Life unfolds in seasons, each bringing its own moments. The first words of a child, the beginnings of a love letter, and for me, the pursuit of language learning.
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AGAIN. AGAIN. AGAIN.

Every new block of Thai study feels like a rerun of the past—the same predictable events unfolding in the same predictable way: failure.

My motivation to learn Thai has waxed and waned over the last twenty or so years. I still feel like a facsimile of my real self in Thai—still struggling to reach the summit of fluency in my own language journey.

I continue to muddle through in a pigeon-like dialect of Thai. I feel like I should be better, but I’m not—at least not yet. The past year has definitely been a winter season in my study of Thai, where even the mere hint of the /ng/ sound at the beginning of a word sends a chill down my spine.

But this month, I felt the itch—the itch of unfinished business, itchier than before. Maybe because as you get closer to fifty, the "UN-" in "unfinished" looms larger than "finished."

So, I dusted off my old Thai textbooks, revisited forgotten links, and started twisting my articulators in unnatural ways.
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AGAIN.

Each language learning season starts with a flourish and ends with a thud.

Right now, I’m in Spring, and the flowers of etymology, pronunciation, and fluency are in full bloom. It’s a perfect time to thrive, especially in this golden age of language learning, where everything you need is at your fingertips. The days of hunting for scarce resources are long gone, making success in a second language more attainable than ever.

All you really need now is time and motivation.
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And that one is on YOU.

To illustrate this, let me share a story from Paris, long ago on a beautiful spring day (as I attempt this somewhat tenuous leap from seasons to cheese!). I visited a charming Fromage shop, where the owner sold me the most beautiful, tasting cheese. As he handed it to me, he said, "I can sell you the cheese, but I can't sell you the time to enjoy it."

Like the cheese, I’ve purchased and found all these fantastic Thai resources, but I haven’t been sold the time to enjoy and immerse myself in them.Now, as I step into Spring once again, I’m ready to make the time and savor every bite.

P.S. In the reboot of my own language learning journey, I discovered Fuss Free French, a beautiful language learning website with well-formed opinions how to learn a second language.

An article I read in June effectively captured my sentiments about the World Wide Web. The Web used to have a positive connotation - a network connecting people and facilitating the exchange of ideas. 

However, it has now definitely slipped into the pejorative...

Everything on the Net is now a trap, a web to entangle you into buying something you don't need, believing in something that isn't true and making you feel worthless.

Molly White and Tom Eastman express this injustice more eloquently than I do.

"Social networks have become “the web” for many people who rarely venture outside of their tall and increasingly reinforced walls. As Tom Eastman once put it, the web has rotted into “five giant websites, each filled with screenshots of the other four”.Within those enclosures, the character limits, neutered subset of web functionality, and constant push to satisfy the enigmatic desires of an algorithm tuned to keeping eyeballs on the platform encourage sameness, vapid engagement farming, and rage bait while stifling creativity.

This is why I got out of the content creation game and lent into this digital garden/universe with this project. I highly recommend you read the whole article 'We can have a different web' as the 'good old days' of the web may not be as out of reach as we think.

Continuing with the theme of 'the good old days' I've decided to reconnect with my inner geek from the 90s. I've dipped my toes back into the world of Warhammer Fantasy.

I have unfinished business!

Also, I started a board game club with my friends - Bunyip Bastards - it's a nice way to get that face-to-face social interaction that's lacking in the modern world. If you want to try a new game, may I suggest Scythe; it has a brilliant concept with exceptional gameplay. 

See you in July.

If February to April was like someone shaking a puzzle box with my mind inside, then May was the month of putting the pieces back together.

I worked on this task piece by piece, like a complex jigsaw puzzle, each piece revealing clues to what had unfolded earlier in the year. Slowly, the small mess of pieces started to form a cohesive image of myself again — one I might try to hold together with superglue this time.

But enough about my mental health episode; let's move on to other things, like Artificial Intelligence.

Over the last year, I've been reading extensively on this topic, with opinions oscillating between boosterism and uselessness. Finding a middle ground is challenging in this polarized age. However, an article I read in May performs a reasonable tightrope walk between these diametrically opposed opinions.

In the article "AI isn't useless. But is it worth it?" author Molly White sums up the state of AI in May 2024:

"They do a poor job of much of what people try to do with them, they can't do the things their creators claim they one day might, and many of the things they are well suited to do may not be altogether that beneficial."

So, at this stage, treat AI as a keen Celta graduate who is prone to making mistakes. Experiment and see if it helps you. Also, read the article itself, not just my summary, and definitely not an AI-enshitified summary of it.

March ended with my mental health in a storm system. 

A period of darkness and chaos - a storm with its dark clouds and rain, and depression with its feelings of sadness and hopelessness. And much like a storm system, depression passes too - even though you can't see this in the eye of the storm.
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That was me in early April.
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I was relentlessly being battered by the squall in my skull. I battened down the hatches. My hopes, my dreams, my joy all swept off the deck. Replaced with a broken mast adrift on the sea of despair.
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Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
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Then something.
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A breeze.
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Like a whisper, soft and gentle, soothing my fractured mind. I had hit rock bottom, and now it was time to start swimming towards the light.

And that's what I did. 

March began with a sudden loss of serotonin, leaving me feeling like all my happiness was draining away. Despite my efforts to fill the void with activities like exercise, work, and socializing, nothing seemed to help.

All my energy and hubris at the start of 2024 was replaced by my fear - fear of spiraling into depression. I had valid reasons to be afraid too. After going through my first major depressive episode towards the end of Covid, I was aware of the potential depths these feelings could lead to.

Nothing prepares you for your first episode of depression. Nothing prepares you for when you discover under the basement of your blue moods there is a whole subterranean world of mental suffering with limitless depths to sink in to. 
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So with that spectre hanging over me, I grinded away at my projects until I couldn't grind anymore; everything ground to a hopeless halt... 

February, February... Did I get ahead of myself with my January (see last entry) roar of 'petrichor'?
Yes and no. Or too much yes and maybe not enough no...
Which led to my current malaise, but that's more of March story than a February one.
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Back to February. I settled in to the rhythm of Australian life.  Currawongs in the morning and cockatoos in the evening. One bird is plain in appearance, but boasts a lovely melody, while the other is a stunning all-white with a yellow Mohawk, but sadly emits a screeching wail like a banshee.
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They were the daily bookends to my working day with the middle parts spent on the following:
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Language School - tick - back to pre-Covid numbers.
Second Mountaineering - tick - approved as a Scout adult helper and completed a Notion workspace for the Gap Sustainability Initiative.
YouTube Thumbnail Project - tick - Photoshop skills on the up and the channel I'm collaborating with is seeing a spike in views.
Getting Ripped - tick - consistently working out, put on a few kilos, all muscles from Brussels and,
Digital Universe - cross - spending so much time on the above, but is that the whole story?

Not really.
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I'm in a bit of procrastinating rut. I keep oscillating between what's the point, woe is me, nobody even reads this...To give it another year, it's a creative outlet, it's ultimately for you and no one else...However, all my online work - to this stage - has been one big tree falling in the forest. No one sees or hears it - except me. And as one random scooter guy from Canada said to me in Thailand "It's all about the shared experience."
If that is the case, is the time spent on this solo-creative endeavor better spent on the other projects listed above?  Shared experiences that have a real impact - other than getting ripped, that's a vanity project.

And all this has led to the March Malaise... 

'Petrichor' has its roots in the Greek language.  In Greek mythology, 'petra' symbolizes stone and 'ichor' represents the liquid that runs through the veins of deities.

Together they describe the scent of rain on dry earth.
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That's the smell of a new year.
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For me, the new year always starts in Thailand; Always starts in Khlong Yai; Always starts in an old wooden house.

The chants of monks in orange robes echoing throughout the warm and damp space.

Not all beginnings are filled with excitement, but this year's is. All my efforts are directed to a purpose.I'm beginning with the end in mind.
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It doesn't feel like a resolution this time. 

Typically, as January comes to a close, it takes on the appearance of a discarded stuffed animal, left like a lost and lonely companion on the roadside.

This time it feels like 'ichor'. With Gods in my veins I'm focusing on an inch, and I'm going to dig a mile deep.  The consumer story is being replaced by the citizen story (see the Library section).
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My language school is in a good place; I'm giving my time to a cause I believe in; I'm collaborating on a creative project; I'm getting ripped; and there is a whole universe of idea constellations waiting to be discovered.
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Let's not get ahead of ourselves just yet though.

So, I leave you with a tip.
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Always spell-check your Photoshop sign before it goes on the building. This is particularly true if you happen to own a language school.

If you didn't use a spell-check; take a deep breath and smell the 'petrichor'.
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Happy New Year.